Brief: for final project / final essay, we have to write a research oriented paper (1500 words) about a (any) topic related to Men - Women Communication.
I'm really interested in the stereotyped view of men and women depicted in Gray's "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus." and want to study it further for my final essay. Particularly it's the idea that when facing a problem, men tend to keep it and try to solve it by themselves, while women will want to share it with friends. Moreover, men will ask others for advices when they're really stuck and need some helps / some advices. On the other hand, women always share their problems but at the same time they don't want solutions. They just want friends to listen to them, comfort them or validate their feelings. Of course any rule has exceptions; we're just consider what's true in general.
Actually I have thought about this topic the whole time. I have a handful of girl / female friends that I think the stereotype is not really applicable. They are just the opposite of what is written above (let's call it the myth). It makes me question the statement / the myth above. While at the same time, I wonder why men do not want to share their feelings (for example, because they are bound by social expectation of men -- that men must be, or at least, appear to be strong?). In fact, I myself feel the need of sharing sometimes, especially when it is stressful. Besides, while I'm curious about the reasons making men and women behave like so, Gray did not offer any scientific explanations for the stereotypes. All these reasons make me want to study the myth, and, if possible, debunk it to an extend, or, at least, explain why the myth is true.
But: I'm kind of stuck right now. So far I have talked with several friends. They seem to agree with the myth rather than question it. Even a (female) friend I mentioned above would say she's an exception. She articulate the whole thing so clearly that I guessed she was influenced by some of the popular readings, but she refuted it. (She said) It was based on her observations (as well).
So friends, what do you think (on this topic, on the questions I proposed, on.. the direction I should go if I follow this topic)? I need your thoughts on these problems. I appreciate your help.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Reflection on Tootsie
The movie was about Michael Dorsey, a talented but unsuccessful actor. He was infamous for being difficult to work with. After a few months unemployed, he dressed as woman to try out a role. Interestingly, he got the role and quickly became very successful as a woman.
As Dorothy, Michael portrayed a difficult women that always stand up for herself against other male characters and demand their respect. It reached the highest point when Dorothy angrily demanded another casting member to pronounce her name correctly: "It's Dorothy, not Tootsie. Dorothy. D-O-R-O-T-H-Y." This trait soon became a desired trait of many women, especially Julie, a co-star that Michael liked. It implied that women wanted to stand for themselves, but was unable to do so. Apparently the reason were more due to the society's expectation and stereotyped look at women than their innate ability to express themselves. It demonstrated how our male dominated society would restrain women (from being themselves?).
Another interesting thing was how Michael responded to different genders. As Michael, he lied to his "girl friend", Sandy. Saying that he did not promise her anything, he refused his fault. While at the same time, as Dorothy he told Ron, who was going out with Julie, how Julie is hurt when he lied to her and went out with other girls. It was amusing that Ron used exactly the same reason as Michael to defend himself, but Dorothy rejected it totally. How could he miss it so easily as Michael? Is it because he did not put his feet into the shoes of women to think?
Overall, the movie was very funny and interesting. If you are curious about how two men proposed to Dorothy, how Michael was thought to be gay by one girl, and lesbian by another, or how Michael escaped from all the troubles he caused, I recommend you watch it!
P/S: finally finish this writing. Not satisfied but I've pondered over it for a week already. It was really hard to elaborate my thoughts. Writing is really difficult.
P/S2: the real difficulty is in maintaining the writing concrete and coherent
As Dorothy, Michael portrayed a difficult women that always stand up for herself against other male characters and demand their respect. It reached the highest point when Dorothy angrily demanded another casting member to pronounce her name correctly: "It's Dorothy, not Tootsie. Dorothy. D-O-R-O-T-H-Y." This trait soon became a desired trait of many women, especially Julie, a co-star that Michael liked. It implied that women wanted to stand for themselves, but was unable to do so. Apparently the reason were more due to the society's expectation and stereotyped look at women than their innate ability to express themselves. It demonstrated how our male dominated society would restrain women (from being themselves?).
Another interesting thing was how Michael responded to different genders. As Michael, he lied to his "girl friend", Sandy. Saying that he did not promise her anything, he refused his fault. While at the same time, as Dorothy he told Ron, who was going out with Julie, how Julie is hurt when he lied to her and went out with other girls. It was amusing that Ron used exactly the same reason as Michael to defend himself, but Dorothy rejected it totally. How could he miss it so easily as Michael? Is it because he did not put his feet into the shoes of women to think?
Overall, the movie was very funny and interesting. If you are curious about how two men proposed to Dorothy, how Michael was thought to be gay by one girl, and lesbian by another, or how Michael escaped from all the troubles he caused, I recommend you watch it!
P/S: finally finish this writing. Not satisfied but I've pondered over it for a week already. It was really hard to elaborate my thoughts. Writing is really difficult.
P/S2: the real difficulty is in maintaining the writing concrete and coherent
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Response: The Myth of Mars and Venus
In the first chapter of her book "The Myth and why it matters," author Cameron called the "Mars and Venus" analogy as a myth, and discussed it in different angles.
She first discussed about how current literature treats the difference between men and women. Science books tend to go toward explaining the origin of the differences between men and women, and largely credited them to the natural differences between men and women. On the other hand, self-help books usually ignore it altogether. However, they both agree about how men and women are different. They also suggests the same solution: appreciate the differences and treat others with respect and tolerance. In another words, the solution tend to generalize two genders are "different but equal."
However, Cameron said, putting men and women in two separated spheres doesn't make them equal. In fact, it usually introduces inequality, especially when power comes in to play. I found a point made by Chan Yi mentioned in class very interesting. When wives are confined to taking care of the family, they might be economically dependent on the husbands, or they have less power than the husbands. Asking people who hold the power to be tolerance and respect to others might be too wishful.
Also, she credits the differences to the *nurture* aspect. The history has shaped our society to be a male-dominant society, in which men and women are expected to behave in a certain way. Failing to do so will result in being judged by the society. Because of that, they are also raised to fulfill their role. This insight suggests that we can also change men and women's characteristics when we change the way they are nurtured. The question is how much will it alleviate the differences if we change the nurturing part?
Another interesting point the author pointed out is human tendency to rely on generalization. At the first class, I also mentioned that this Mars and Venus analogy might just be a stereotypical look at the two gender. I think Cameron also agree that it applies to most of the people. However, it does not mean that we should discard all the outliers. Otherwise, we will be more prone to see only the things we expect to see. A point from the "Black swan" book by Nassim Taleb: the outliers can actually be the one that drives the history, make far greater impact on the society than the rest.
It is worth to note that Cameron actually does not refuse the differences between men and women. She also agree that the stereotype does apply to people in general, which is why many people can resonate themselves to it. I agree with the author that we must not fall into the stereotypical trap. However, for the time being, we must first be aware of the differences, and derives targeted support for specific gender. Sometimes it can be for the good of women, like how Deborah Tannen proposed a better approach to support women in classroom environment.
She first discussed about how current literature treats the difference between men and women. Science books tend to go toward explaining the origin of the differences between men and women, and largely credited them to the natural differences between men and women. On the other hand, self-help books usually ignore it altogether. However, they both agree about how men and women are different. They also suggests the same solution: appreciate the differences and treat others with respect and tolerance. In another words, the solution tend to generalize two genders are "different but equal."
However, Cameron said, putting men and women in two separated spheres doesn't make them equal. In fact, it usually introduces inequality, especially when power comes in to play. I found a point made by Chan Yi mentioned in class very interesting. When wives are confined to taking care of the family, they might be economically dependent on the husbands, or they have less power than the husbands. Asking people who hold the power to be tolerance and respect to others might be too wishful.
Also, she credits the differences to the *nurture* aspect. The history has shaped our society to be a male-dominant society, in which men and women are expected to behave in a certain way. Failing to do so will result in being judged by the society. Because of that, they are also raised to fulfill their role. This insight suggests that we can also change men and women's characteristics when we change the way they are nurtured. The question is how much will it alleviate the differences if we change the nurturing part?
Another interesting point the author pointed out is human tendency to rely on generalization. At the first class, I also mentioned that this Mars and Venus analogy might just be a stereotypical look at the two gender. I think Cameron also agree that it applies to most of the people. However, it does not mean that we should discard all the outliers. Otherwise, we will be more prone to see only the things we expect to see. A point from the "Black swan" book by Nassim Taleb: the outliers can actually be the one that drives the history, make far greater impact on the society than the rest.
It is worth to note that Cameron actually does not refuse the differences between men and women. She also agree that the stereotype does apply to people in general, which is why many people can resonate themselves to it. I agree with the author that we must not fall into the stereotypical trap. However, for the time being, we must first be aware of the differences, and derives targeted support for specific gender. Sometimes it can be for the good of women, like how Deborah Tannen proposed a better approach to support women in classroom environment.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Response to "Teacher's classroom strategies..." by Deborah Tannen
In the article, author Deborah Tannen discussed how men are usually participating more actively in classroom environment than women. Women prefer to talk in small group, and build relationship through the process. Meanwhile, men have learned to use language in a way that favor debate and discussion. Besides, the fact that most classes have debate-like format also favors men's nature.
Deborah Tannen also proposed a solution to increase women's participation in class. Her solution was to divide the class into smaller, similar group. This way it would create a safer and more private environment, which encourage women to discuss more actively. She was quite successful with this solution in her class.
The article discussed a very interesting problem that I was not aware of. From my experience, both boys and girls in my classes usually do not very actively or willingly to participate during class. It is heavily due to the culture though. I can relate it with a minor idea in the article: Japanese men and women are less active than other western friends. I also see this problem in class in NUS: foreign students are much less willing to raise hand and talk in class. Still, even in these case, I find her observation applicable: boys are more active in class room than girls.
Another thing I want to comment on the article is the way the author articulating her ideas. When she proposed the problem, she not only used her own research but also referenced to various researcg to strengthen her argument. It is necessary in writing academic article; the actual interesting thing is the way she proposed her solution. It was in a form of an informal conversation. She mentioned it as her personal attempt to solve the problem, and she succeed with it, so she was bringing it to discussion. Though she suggested that others should integrate it to their teaching, she never says it in a formal, demanding way. This way of approaching made the idea more acceptable, especially to her audience -- other teachers with high, respectable level of education. By the way, they are mostly male, so this approach will be more applicable (than telling them what to do)? And perhaps it's also her woman nature as well?
Deborah Tannen also proposed a solution to increase women's participation in class. Her solution was to divide the class into smaller, similar group. This way it would create a safer and more private environment, which encourage women to discuss more actively. She was quite successful with this solution in her class.
The article discussed a very interesting problem that I was not aware of. From my experience, both boys and girls in my classes usually do not very actively or willingly to participate during class. It is heavily due to the culture though. I can relate it with a minor idea in the article: Japanese men and women are less active than other western friends. I also see this problem in class in NUS: foreign students are much less willing to raise hand and talk in class. Still, even in these case, I find her observation applicable: boys are more active in class room than girls.
Another thing I want to comment on the article is the way the author articulating her ideas. When she proposed the problem, she not only used her own research but also referenced to various researcg to strengthen her argument. It is necessary in writing academic article; the actual interesting thing is the way she proposed her solution. It was in a form of an informal conversation. She mentioned it as her personal attempt to solve the problem, and she succeed with it, so she was bringing it to discussion. Though she suggested that others should integrate it to their teaching, she never says it in a formal, demanding way. This way of approaching made the idea more acceptable, especially to her audience -- other teachers with high, respectable level of education. By the way, they are mostly male, so this approach will be more applicable (than telling them what to do)? And perhaps it's also her woman nature as well?
Hello World!
Hello!
Thank you for visiting my blog. I am Hung, year 2 student from School of Computing (NUS). I'm setting up this blog to write about my learning experience during the course of the writing module WP2201C - Mars and Venus (Mis)communication. As you can guess from the name, the central topic of the module is about men and women communication and miscommunication. about writing.
Truthfully, writing is one of my weaknesses. It took me a lot of consideration before I decided to take this module. But this time I really wanted to be able to write well. So here I am. Please assist me, give me feed back on my writing (and nag me when I am lazy^^) I hope that I will obtain good writing skill after this semester.
In case you are wondering about the blog's name and URL, it's inspired by the name of the module. Mars and Venus are the 4th and the 2nd planet in the Solar system. They are one planet apart from each other. That planet is the Earth. I'm just an Earthling; I'm not sure how much I understand Martians and Venusians but with an open mind, I hope I will gain some insight about them after the course.
That's it for the first post! Please follow my blog and give me feedback on my blog posts!
*"Hello world" is always the program programmers write the first when we learn a new language.
Thank you for visiting my blog. I am Hung, year 2 student from School of Computing (NUS). I'm setting up this blog to write about my learning experience during the course of the writing module WP2201C - Mars and Venus (Mis)communication. As you can guess from the name, the central topic of the module is about men and women communication and miscommunication. about writing.
Truthfully, writing is one of my weaknesses. It took me a lot of consideration before I decided to take this module. But this time I really wanted to be able to write well. So here I am. Please assist me, give me feed back on my writing (and nag me when I am lazy^^) I hope that I will obtain good writing skill after this semester.
In case you are wondering about the blog's name and URL, it's inspired by the name of the module. Mars and Venus are the 4th and the 2nd planet in the Solar system. They are one planet apart from each other. That planet is the Earth. I'm just an Earthling; I'm not sure how much I understand Martians and Venusians but with an open mind, I hope I will gain some insight about them after the course.
That's it for the first post! Please follow my blog and give me feedback on my blog posts!
*"Hello world" is always the program programmers write the first when we learn a new language.
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